Tuesday, May 4, 2010

If I May, I'd Like To Clarify:

For Ray's birthday, we drank white grape juice in the West Point Graduation goblets we got with Abe.  If you're going to toast to health and happiness, it feels lame clinking your plastic cups.

I took a look at the pictures just now and thought, "where'd the chardonnay come from?"

Even tricked myself.

Since we're on the topic of chardonnay, though.  Maybe I can tell you about the only time I have drunken (drank?) alcohol. It also happened to be some chardonnay.  I was working my summer job at a restaurant in Moses Lake.  There were two ladies that came in every Thursday for their weekly lunch date together.  These ladies always had a glass or two of chardonnay with their lunch.  I was clearing their glasses after they'd gone and one of the glasses was half full.  It tipped over as I was carrying it on the tray and (picture this next part in slow-motion) a single drop of chardonnay flew up into the air and landed on my lip.  Without thinking, I licked it off.  I have NO clue what it tasted like because I was too busy laughing and DYING at the thought of just licking an old lady's left-over chardonnay off my lip.

My encounter with booze was brief... and memorable.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Days Of Birth

I'm not very good with birthdays.

I NEVER tell anyone when it is mine... that's too embarrassing.

I sometimes forget other's birthdays.  That is also embarrassing.

I am pathetic with figuring out gifts.  I try to think of creative, fun gifts, but most of my ideas end up being more practical than exciting (I can blame my paternal genes for that, though.  One year my dad got my mom a bag of combs for Christmas.  I say "one year" but really I saw it happen more than once.)

My shortcoming is starting to be a problem.

Christmas 2008 (2 weeks before we got married), I gave Ray a carry-on suitcase because his had a broken handle.  I gave him a pair of shorts and a sweater from J.Crew.  I found the shorts in his side of the closet last month and asked him if he thought he'd EVER wear them.  He said, "no."  I returned them and felt lucky J.Crew was still selling those shorts even 15 months after I bought them.  The sweater made ONE debut this past Winter... when I dressed him for our Christmas pictures.  Basically, my gift-giving experience with Ray had a very weak and lame start.

(The Sweater)

Birthday 2009, I gave Ray a pair of hair clippers.  I'm laughing right now because I can't think of a stupider gift to give anyone than a pair of hair clippers... except of course, a carry-on suitcase.

Christmas 2009, we decided to spend our gift-giving money on things other than gifts for each other.  It was glorious, mostly because the "things other than gifts" made it so, but selfishly it was also glorious to not worry about coming up with a gift idea that was at least better than hair clippers.  I know what you're thinking, that it can't be hard to come up with an idea better than hair clippers.  That sounds good, but remember my genetics.  I'm plumb retarded in this department.  I'm genetically MISSING the part of my brain that thinks of good gift ideas... only practical ideas come out.

Birthday 2010, gave hope.  My gift wasn't amazing, but it was BETTER.  It gave us both hope that my gift-giving performance was trending up.

Without further ado:

Birthday 2010...
~  I gave Ray a large homemade breakfast the night before, because he isn't a big breakfast eater.
~  I gave Ray an indoor lemon tree which he named Snicket.

(Venus decided not to sprout, so I felt we could handle another house plant)

~  And, most of all, I gave Ray homemade pizza for dinner.  This was a real labor-of-love because it took me all day to accomplish this task.  I spent the morning Google-ing "The Best Pizza Dough Ever."  I read about 20 recipes and ALL the reviews that went with them.  I spent an hour debating between all the recipes wondering which was true.  I finally decided to make the hardest one simply because it was the hardest, therefore logic would demand it must be the best.  The recipe said I must use bread flour because of it's high gluten content or else my pizza would taste like c _ _ p.  I ran to the store and bought bread flour.  For three whole hours I stirred when the recipe said stir.  I punched when it said punch, and I watched when it said watch.  I EVEN USED A TIMER!  No sir, I wasn't going to over stir or under stir.  Nothing but the best for Ray's birthday.

(Strategy Planning)

(Concentrating)

(Success)



Nothing but the best intent, at least.  Pizza dough is obviously an art.