Saturday, August 30, 2008


There was and will be a small intermission between 75 and 100 things about me. I'll be RIGHT back. I promise.


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

100 Things About Me (Round 3)

Note: this blog is full of random pictures. I couldn't find any pictures that were applicable, and what's a blog without pictures? Too many words.

51. I think there are certain, specific objects that tell volumes about a person. These objects can give you a deep insight to their thoughts, beliefs, and interests. Books, cars, food and shoes are some of these objects. However, more than any of the afore mentioned, I think lawn ornaments are the most insightful of all. Are you the yard gnome type, the pink flamingo type, the giant-wooden-butterfly-on-the-side-of-the-house type, or are you the toilette/bathtub planter type. Personally, I'm the bird bath type. I just think they are so insightful.

52. I hate when you’re driving and you realize there’s a fly trapped in your car with you. It forces you to choose between safety and sanity. Will you roll down all the windows while you’re driving down the interstate and use both arms to shoo it out, or will you keep both hands on the wheel and kiss your mind goodbye.

53. I think there is a strong facial resemblance between George Washington and you’ll never guess… Bill Clinton. Kind of ironic because George Washington said, “I cannot tell a lie” and Bill Clinton said, “that would depend on your definition of ‘is’” and “I didn’t inhale.”

54. I’ve read a National Geographic from cover to cover before. It’s only happened twice that I can think of, though. I usually just look at the pictures, read the captions, and skim the articles.

55. I’ve been making a conscious effort for the past two years to say “many happy returns” instead of “happy birthday.” I think it sounds more sincere and classic. I first heard it on an old Winnie the Pooh movie when I was little. The phrase was just bouncing around in my head for 15 years until one day I thought of it and realized what it meant.

56. I like waking up early. When I lived in Hawaii I would wake up at 5:00 and either go running or just go sit by my window and listen to the waves and wind.

57. I love Raisin Bran so much that the thought of it makes my mouth water. I’ve had to pull my loyalties from Kelloggs though, because their two scoops upset the bran-to-raisin ratio. Kellogg, if you’ll go back to one scoop, I’ll start buying your Raisin Bran again.

58. I want a library someday. A library constitutes floor-to-ceiling bookshelves with a rolling ladder, comfortable chairs with ottomans, and a green banker’s lamp.

59. Next year I am going to buy some praying mantises (or is it praying manti?) for my parent’s garden. I got distracted and forgot to do it this year.

60. I have three jokes that I always remember. Here they are:

  • Question: Why was Tigger looking in the toilette?
    Answer: He was looking for Pooh

  • Question: What is black and white and red all over?
    Answer: A newspaper

  • Question: What did the fish say when he hit a cement wall?
    Answer: Damn

If you need a joke in a pinch, feel free to steal my material?

61. After hearing Alice in Wonderland read to me a long time ago, I stressed about accidentally getting stuck on the “other” side of the mirror. I remember lying in my bed quietly crying one night because I didn’t want to get stuck on the other side of the mirror. That story must have been pretty influential on my simple mind because I still see the Cheshire cat’s grin whenever there is a crescent moon.

Random #1: Me watching my souffle rise

62. My dad and I have a running game of, “If He Calls My Name, I Hide.” I know that if he is calling my name, then he usually has a chore or favor. If I hide, then I don’t have to do the chore or say “okaaaaay” to the favor. Unfortunately, after 23 years of this game, he knows all my good hiding spots, ie: behind a door, in a closet, inside the shower curtain. Yes, you all read that embarrassing confession I just made correctly. I’m 25 and I still hide from my dad.

63. I’ve only worn sunscreen 2 times in my life, and neither time was it my mom that made me put it on. Maybe I’ll die of skin cancer before I have a chance to rock myself deaf.

64. Every summer [of my youth (ha ha ha)] I saved up all my lawn-mowing money for school clothes. One summer in particular, at the top of my school clothes wishlist was a pair of green DENIM STRETCH PANTS with STIRRUPS. Luckily, my wishlist got lost on school clothes shopping day.

65. All my clocks are on military time.

66. I like black and red Redvines. I think that to truly appreciate them, however, you have to eat them in uniformity. If you eat a red, then you eat a black. If you eat 3 reds, then you better eat 3 blacks. I call it equal opportunity.

67. It took me almost a month to come up with this list, not because I couldn’t think of things, but because I got tired of thinking about myself. I imagine right about now you’re thinking along the same lines.

68. I think ellipses are addicting. Obviously. Although you probably can’t tell, I’m actually exercising some restraint in using them.

69. I went to a movie in the theater alone once. It was so lonely that I never did it again.

Random #2: Ty and I acting like we're listening to the re-roofing instructions

70. As soon as I “settle down” somewhere, I’m going to start taking piano lessons again. This time I’ll actually learn how to read music and won’t fudge my way through with rapid memorization.

71. I had a sad realization this year. I discovered I probably won’t get all the books read I want to before I die. Up until this year, it felt like I was going to live forever. Now 79.4 years doesn’t seem so far away. Gary Larson and Bill Waterson, I will always have time for you and yours. I’ll just scratch Moby Dick off the list; there’s a movie of it anyway.

72. I like to kill hornets. My dad taught me 2 new ways to do it.

  • Spray them with brake cleaner, it drops them mid-air

  • Use one of those lighter sticks to roast them

I know the fact that I like to kill wasps makes me seem psychotic, but just remember that certain blog post in the past where I mentioned the bug documentary and the despicable character of the wasp.

73. I like to think about conspiracy theories. I don’t really believe them, but they are just so exciting to think about.

74. On any road trip, I think the drive there is the best part. I’m always a little sad when we get there. I was NEVER one of those kids that asked, “Are we there yet?” Instead I’m sure I said, “Dang! We’re there.”

75. I like to eat dirt. I have to fight the urge to lick a potato that is covered in dirt. I have to fight the urge to lick the ground after it rains. I have to fight the urge to suck on rocks. It’s got a name. Pica.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

100 Things About Me (Round 2)

26. I used to have a turtle named Sanora. She was named after the heroine of “Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken;” the best movie on Earth with regards to diving horses during the great depression. Sanora died one winter because I forgot to change her heat lamp light-bulb. She died because I let her freeze to death. I’ve been thinking about getting another one. I feel responsible enough to keep it alive now. (It’s kind of amazing they let me take care of those aquariums).

27. I used to hate my moms chickens. When she would MAKE me go get their eggs or feed them when I was young, I would swear under my breath, “I will NEVER have chickens.” Since I’m older now and don’t have to take care of them, I’ve kind of grown fond of them… from a distance. The other day I found a whole new appreciation for them. They provide humor and lessons on human nature. As I walked past, I noticed they were all segregated by color. Apparently chickens are racist too.

28. I don’t communicate well on a phone. I think it’s because I rely too heavily on body language and non-verbal cues. All of my jokes come off flat. I take everyone else’s jokes too literally and end up looking air-headed and gullible. My voice sounds like a man.

29. I love flowers. They’re just so frivolous. You buy/grow/pick them knowing that all you will get to do is give them a few long glances and occasionally smell them. You don’t really touch them, you don’t hear them, and you know they will die after a few days; frivolous and luxurious.

30. I’ve always appreciated art. My sister Ande taught me how to APPRECIATE art, that there is deep symbolism behind every stroke and a piece means more when you understand its message. My favorite artists are:

  • Winslow Homer: To me, his paintings express raw emotion. When I look at “Snap the Whip,” my arms ache.
  • James Christensen: His paintings allow me to substitute my own symbolism, and he uses my favorite colors.
  • Normon Rockwell: He makes me nostalgic for a time I never lived in and memories I don’t have.

31. My ears aren’t even. The ladies that adjust your glasses at the optometrist get frustrated trying to compensate for my lopsided ears.

32. When I was little I used to dream of one day getting my own secretary desk. I’m not sure where the obsession came from, but I would go get the newspaper every day and look through the classifieds for a secretary desk for sale. I would lay awake at night and just dream about how I would organize my office supplies (that I didn’t have) in my new desk. My secretary desk needed to have a drawer for hanging folders for my files and “stuff,” a cork-board back for my notes and “stuff,” and I would need a stapler so I could staple all my files, notes, and “stuff.” I’m not sure if this is revelatory of my love of office supplies or my love for organizing.

33. I love Clorox. I love the smell, the whitening effect, and the peace of mind that I just killed some germs.

34. I wish it was still commonplace to use phrases like: “shiver me timbers,” “two shakes of a lamb’s tail,” “the cat’s pajamas,” “the bee’s knees, “I’ll be a monkey’s uncle,” “silk purse from a sow’s ear” and basically any other phrase that talks awkwardly about animals. Luckily I still hear the good ol’ “see you later alligator” every so often.

35. I don’t mind killing spiders and bugs, but I don’t really like the feeling of its guts popping out between the Kleenex. As much as I dislike it, I wonder how it feels to them. Just crawling along, suddenly engulfed in white tissue, then POP! Do they even feel the POP? I hope not.

36. I just bought a brand new car. I fully expected to have the gut-sick feeling of buyer’s remorse. I didn’t. I don’t. I’m pretty sure I never will. I love it, and come November I’ll be especially loving the heated seats.

37. My 5 year goal is to break the 1 language barrier. I think I’ll start with Spanish. I always need it at work, it’s Latin based, and I’ll finally know what people are saying about me when I stand in line at the grocery store.

38. I love overcast, rainy days… especially in the fall. It gives me a good excuse to stay inside, watch a movie, read a book, or sew something. I don’t even really know how to sew, but it always makes me want to sew.

39. From the age of 4-14 I always had a fort outside. Some of them were in trees, some were in old sheds, one was in an old metal grainery, one was in a huge hole in the dirt. Every summer my main plan was to find my fort location, then domesticate it.

40. I love movie soundtracks. I like that there are no words, so you get to whistle along. My favorites are Quigley Down Under, Man from Snowy River, The Last of the Mohicans, All the Pretty Horses (dumb movie), and Rob Roy.

41. I think one of the finest blessings of living in a developed country is the concept of a hot shower. Unless you’re last in line, you always have the luxury of a hot shower and all you have to do is want it and pay your electric bill. I don’t take this little miracle lightly. I embrace it and absolutely appreciate it.

42. I’m a slow reader and I was always the last person to finish taking a test. I’m NOT a slow thinker though. I AM NOT a slow thinker. I’m just thorough… and deep… very deep.

43. In seventh grade I got the hiccups for 48 minutes in English class. I would just about get rid of them, then someone would laugh, then I would laugh, then they would get even worse. They were lasting so long that I began to wonder of that rumor about the man the hiccupped for 8 years was really true. It was so fun and funny that I still hope I get another long hiccup-run in before I die.

44. When I go to work I always have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think it’s just the fear of the unknown. I don’t know what kind of a situation I’m coming on to. Once I arrive and get to work, the feeling leaves, and everything gets exciting. But the feeling is always back the next time.

45. I’m always afraid to call in to a radio station to answer a trivia question because I know they’re going to ask me what station is the best and I won’t be able to answer. The problem is that I NEVER have a clue what any station’s call letters are. I would have to say something lame like, “This one!”

46. I am easily nostalgic.

47. My favorite colors are green and blue. Maybe that’s why I like Earth so well.

48. After writing the past 47 “things” I think I can sympathize with a bad stand-up comedian. Since you’re all in cyber space, I’m not getting any feed back. I write something. You don’t say anything, so I write something else. The comedian tells a joke, no one laughs. He tells another joke. If this fear I’m having is actually a premonition, someone please throw me a GENTLE tomato and tell me to sit down.

49. My clothes are hung in the closet by color, and they follow the color wheel. Red-Orange-Yellow-Green-Blue-Purple.

50. I worked on becoming ambidextrous during nursing school while taking notes. I had to give up when I couldn’t read my notes… or keep up.

Monday, August 25, 2008

100 Things About Me (Round 1)

A snake my dad caught for me... in an attempt to cure me of a fear
Preface: So my thinking is that if you “all” only read 5 things a day, this post will last until my next one. Just kidding! I’ve been testing you, and any of you that are still checking this blog… well, you are both kind and forgiving. Bless you all.

1. Ninety percent of the days I’m home in Moses Lake, my mom and I go on a walk. These walks are very structured. We always walk the same sandy road between the same fields. We’ve solved a number of the world’s problems on these walks. And, we are each allowed one “veto” to use if we don’t want to talk about a topic the other brings up. My mom doesn’t use her veto very often. Mine makes a regular appearance.

2. In the back of my head I’m still planning on becoming a geologist, a librarian, AND a greenhouse owner someday.

3. I’m still VERY afraid of the dark. But, right up there with my fear of the dark is empty churches at night, vacant carnivals, and houses that are haunted (and quit laughing… they do exist)

4. I still don’t know my right side from my left side without a GREAT deal of thought.

5. My jobs in college were as follows:
  • BYU Art Model: I sat there and the art students painted me. Embarrassing at first, but liked it towards the end, probably because the art students got better.
  • BYU-H Bakery: I woke up every Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 4:30 and rode my bike in the dark (scary) to bake 120 loaves of bread and make whatever desserts the catering service needed for the day with Tasi, my cool Samoan boss.
  • BYU-H Aquarium Manager: I took care of all the University's marine aquariums and “specimens.” All I had to do was keep them all alive until their experiments were done.

6. When I worked in Hawaii at the bakery, I got in trouble by the head chef because I refused to wear the stupid hat. Even though I got in trouble, I never did wear it. I didn't see the point. I was already wearing a hair net and no one ever saw me because I worked in the back.

7. When I was little, as in four years old, I wanted my name to be Jenny, Bo, or Shelly. I thought Cali was a bad name because no one else had it. When I was six I decided Cali wasn’t so bad after all.

"Baloon Popper" from I Spy School Days by Walter Wick

8. My favorite Christmas was the one where each of us kids got an “I Spy” book. Those books with pictures of lots of little objects like paperclips, toy soldiers, jewelry, and then you have to find the hidden safety pin. Anyway, we each got one of those books and some candy and all day long we searched through our books and ate candy.

9. It is VERY difficult for me to be guilt tripped. I do feel guilt, but it has to be instigated by myself.

10. I was named after my dad, Calvin. I am very proud of that fact and I feel a responsibility to live up to that name.

11. I am a closet reader and music listener. Which means I don’t tell what I’m reading or listening to. I’m afraid it will either expose too much about what I’m thinking OR… it will give the wrong impression. No, I’m not reading nickel nasties

12. In college my eating habits hit two all time lows.

  • All Time Low #1: I decided that milk was too expensive at $4.50 a gallon so brainstormed and decided my only option was to stop using milk (no-cereal wasn’t an option) or start buying whole milk then mixing it half-and-half with water. I only did it with one gallon.
  • All Time Low #2: I couldn’t keep those tiny little ants out of my cereal, so I started just pouring my cereal, pouring my milk, giving the ants 10 seconds to float to the top of the milk, then skimmed them off and ate the rest.

13. When I was 10 I saw a sit-com where the mom was in distress because she was becoming like her mother. I didn’t understand the joke. Why wouldn’t someone want to be like their mother? I still want to be like my mom.

14. I have freakishly huge veins on my arms and hands. If they don't look big, then it's the picture's fault. They are big.

15. I love the smell of burnt hair. I think it’s because it reminds me of being a kid and branding cows. Or, maybe of the time I was burning the trash and tossed the match in the barrel, then was stupid enough to peak over the edge to see if my match had caught. It had caught.

16. I don’t look good in lipstick. I look heinous. I look worse than heinous. I look wicked.

17. I interact best with people either over the age of 35 or younger than 20. I’m terrible with my peers (except a certain one), but specialize in senior citizens (especially sick ones). I chalk it up to my “old” soul. Old enough to love rocking chairs, horehound candy, black and white movies, and the smell of Old Spice.

18. In 3rd grade I had two main educational goals; learn how to whistle and learn how to fake burp the alphabet. I learned how to whistle, but still can’t get a single fake burp out.

19. I listen to music with the volume loud, as in REALLY loud. I’ve decided that loud music is my “shot of whiskey” or “tub of Ben & Jerry’s.” It’s that unhealthy self-indulgence at the expense of your body. I know it will make me deaf someday, but I think the deaf old ladies are funny.

20. I think the commercials/songs are really funny. I sing along with them and could do a solo if asked to.

21. I want to sleep in a hammock on a ship or in a treehouse. My neighbors in Hawaii had a hammock in their backyard and I occasionally would sneak into it late at night after they were asleep and spend the night there… wishing it were in a treehouse or a ship.

22. The sound of Styrofoam makes me cry. On Christmas I have to leave the room while everyone get’s their “stuff” out of the boxes. If I was lost in Death Valley and the only water was inside a Styrofoam cooler, I’d either die of dehydration or die from scratching my ears out of my head.

23. One regret I have is that I haven’t planted more hardwood trees in the world. I cannot think of a more selfless act of service. Planting and nurturing a tree that you will never get to completely enjoy. Maybe I should stop regretting and start planting. I’m only 25… not 95.

24. My mom and I have a running game of “Baby Butt” and “Hide the Shoes” always going.
  • "Baby Butt" entails me turning her little ceramic baby in the ceramic tub over so his butt is sticking out and then she turns him back over. My great grandfather used to do the same thing to my great grandmother when she had the same ceramic baby. It just seemed sad not to keep that baby flipping.
  • "Hide the Shoes" has a more complicated background. I had a pair of shoes I didn’t want and I didn’t want to take them to the goodwill bin either. Therefore I asked my mom if she wanted them. She said, "maybe, but probably not." I put them in her room and when she said she didn’t want them I said it was her responsibility to get rid of them now. She threw them in my room when I wasn’t home. I hid them in the sleeves of her winter coat. She sneakily packed them in my suitcase when I left for Alaska. I put them in the bottom of the freezer. She hid them under my pillow. I have them stashed “somewhere” right now and she hasn’t found them for over a week. This game has been going on for over a year
25. Since I was old enough to be teased, I’ve been harassed about my last name (it rhymes with cane and starts with a “p”). I used to get so sick of everyone thinking they were so witty/funny and want to scream at them, “Just grow up!” Now that I’m grown up, I think my last name is funny.

Now I'm going to blow all your minds. I'll post regularly for the next three days.