Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Dear Ande & Abe & Ty,

Dear Ande & Abe & Ty,

I know you guys are already jealous you can’t drive home on your long breaks, like me. But beware; it may eventually cost you your life. Last night Dad got really excited. I mean REALLY excited. He made mom and me get together in the living room, then said he had some serious stuff to talk about. I started laughing because I saw he had the “Field & Stream” magazine in his hand. While he was flipping to the page, I was scanning the cover to see if I could guess the serious stuff. There it was, “20 Rules of Winter Survival.” In the article it had real scenarios and at the end we were supposed to critique how the people acted, reacted and coped. Then after those, there were little scenarios with multiple choice answers for what you would do. On this multiple choice part, I got a 100%. The answer key said I missed one, but they were wrong. My answer was smarter than theirs. The question was:

Your truck has run out of gas. It is raining and cold. You have no matches, but these items are all in the truck. Which is the quickest fire starting option?
A) Duct tape
B) Aluminum foil
C) High-carbon steel hatchet and a file.

I said “D) Use your cigarette lighter. But if I have to chose A, B or C, then I choose B. On Prison Break they make a lighter out of tin foil, a battery and toilet paper.” The “correct” answer was, “Twist some duct tape into a long match. Ignite a scrap of paper with your truck’s cigarette lighter, then light the duct tape, which burns like crazy.”

Mom didn’t do so hot. She was somewhere around 50%. Dad was disgusted with her score. Some of her answers were doozies. I told her if I was stranded and I could only take one person, I’m afraid she wouldn't be that person. She'd be what some people call A BURDEN. Dad agreed with “No kidding!” However, Dad then switched and decided to take her instead of me. I argued I was the only one in the family with a 72 hour kit, but he still stuck with Mom. Mom got sentimental until he reasoned, “I’d better take Mom, her prayers get answered.” Hmmm. Good point.

So, if the three of us ever get in a winter survival situation and only two of the three make it… one of the two will definitely be Mom.


p.s. Next time we are talking about the “Grizzly Rampage”

p.p.s. I practiced my winter survival skills today when I was driving down our lane. All the snow has been compacted into ice. Sometimes I have to put my car into 4 wheel drive because 2 wheels can't find enough to grip. Anyway. I like to fishtail and see how well I can recover. Today I ended up in the borrow pit. Dad saw my tracks in and out of the borrow pit on his way by and said (and I quote), "You suck." That makes my stats: 2 times in the borrow pit and 3 times staying in my imaginary lane. FYI


Darla said...

Your mom shared your blog address, I hope you don't mind.... I loved this post... I can just see your dad sitting there questioning you and your mom & poor Janey Payne trying to justify her answers.
Hope you have a great day...

Neighbor Jane Payne said...

I have been gone for a few days so I didn't get to write this as soon as I wanted. AND, for the life of me I can't figure out how to post to your blog. I'm very computer illiterate. So saying, the good news is that I have put your blog on my favorites and will have no trouble finding it in the future. Your blog is just the FUNNEST blog I've ever read (no offence Jane...). That was the most entertaining twenty minutes I've had in a looong, long time. You make me laugh. I loved the part about Mormon Mecca and one pillar down. The only problem I see with this blog is the sporadic posting and space between posts. I mean let's face it. It was EONS ago that you asked for help with a blog name. If it takes that long between then and now, I'm a little concerned. Please post quickly and regularly. It is so entertaining.
Love, Aunt RAchel
P.S. Blogography is by far the best name. Who came up with it? Oh, and who wants to go out with you again? I can't call him up in my head.... Refresh my memory please.

Anonymous said...

You are a classic. If I were stuck in dire winter circumstances and could only choose one person to be with me, out of you, Jane and Calvin I would pick you. Why? You would certainly be the most entertaining. It's a better way to "go".....