Humor in Uniform

Mrs. Lambert, my piano teacher in 8th and 9th grade, subscribed to two magazines… the Reader’s Digest and Highlight. In 8th grade (sitting there waiting for Abe to finish with his piano lesson) I was strictly a Highlight reader. More accurately, I never read anything; I just turned to the “can you find these objects hidden in the picture” section. However, once I started 9th grade, I decided it was time I took the BIG step. I was in high school now, practically an adult; I needed to start reading Reader’s Digest. At first it was painful. I didn’t want to read about “Everyday Heroes” or risk factors for congestive heart failure and colon cancer. Good thing I kept flipping through, because then I found “Humor in Uniform” and “All in a Day’s Work.” Unfortunately, it’s ten years later and I still skip past most of the stories and head straight for those two sections.

In honor of my giant plunge towards adulthood that didn’t make it past the humor sections… here is my “Humor in Uniform.”

1. When Abe switched from BDU’s (Battle Dress Uniforms) to ACU’s (Army Combat Uniforms) this past year, he got to laughing when he told me their patches are now held on by Velcro. This was funny because people kept losing patches when they were doing training that required they crawl on the ground. Suddenly a captain loses all his rank because he's crawling in the grass. I reminded him that this could be a good thing. All he has to do is be the one crawling behind the captain and suddenly it is a lot easier to “pick up” rank (pun was most absolutely intended). Anyway, a week or two after we were talking about this, he sent me this picture. It turns out there’s another perk to wearing the new ACU’s.
2. Ty’s first year at the Air Force Academy, I e-mailed asking how his day went. He replied back with this:

A USAFA cadet lent an upperclassman his paintball gun and CO2 bottles for the afternoon. The gun and bottles were in a cardboard box with his name on it and held together with duct tape. As the borrowing cadet was carrying a bunch of stuff up from the barracks lobby to his room, he couldn’t carry the box with the paintball gun in it, so left if on the pool table and planned on coming right back down to get it. Another cadet walking by saw the box. This is all innocent enough except the owning cadet’s last name is BOOM. The box was reported to security, and security stated they found an UNATTENDED box, wrapped in DUCT TAPE, with BOOM written all over it. After a couple of hours, all 1,000 cadet were allowed back in their rooms after the contents of the box and its story were discovered. This all happened at 2200. It was dark, cold and all the other buildings were closed and locked up.

3. I think this picture stands on its own. I’ve already written about how many squirrels there are at West Point. Well, now there is one less. This squirrel single handedly proves Darwin’s idea of “survival of the fittest/smartest.” I guess he forgot to hibernate. What I really want to know is how he got in this position… laying on his belly with arms and legs outstretched?