Saturday, February 9, 2008

24 Things (Vol. 2)

5. I’m handy, and both of our new bathrooms prove it. As Red/Green reminds, “If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.” When we started the project, I feared I would only be the gofer/side kick/moral support. Turns out I have mentionable hardware skills; specifically, I have a second intuition when it comes to cutting tiles to the perfect size WITHOUT measuring. Despite my extraordinary talent, most of my jobs were dirty work.
Example 1: “Cali, while I’m at work today, you can rip out the linoleum and carpet. Make sure it is all clean when I get home and remove every staple and nail. I mean EVERY staple and nail.”
Example 2: “Cali, you see that ring of wax our toilet was sitting on? Well, while I’m at work today, you can get that all cleaned up. Hopefully we have some rubber gloves somewhere. If not, then just don’t make a mess.”
Example 3: “Cali, I thought you were going to clean up the wax ring. I don’t care if you couldn’t find any gloves. Use bags or something. I’ll see you tonight and remember that cleaning up that ring of wax is all that is holding us back now.”
The dirty work wasn’t too bad. But while pulling 4 inch nails out of the floor, I kept chanting, “Next time (grunt) will be (grunt) foreman.”
Side note… mom was supposed to be helping too. However, after she put the doors and hinges on the cupboards backwards (not sure how that’s possible), she was labeled Amelia Bedelia and reassigned as the cook. Thing learned, I don’t need a measuring tape.

6. According to the Smithsonian Natural Science Museum, a diamond isn’t forever. Every diamond is slowly arranging itself back to its more stable form… graphite. Three fourths of the pictures I took at all the Smithsonian’s were pictures like this, of the display fact plate. Thing learned, a diamond may be strong enough to be a drill bit, but someday it will only be a pencil.

7. The town of Sleepy Hollow lives up to its legend. We only drove through it, but remember how its cemetery was a couple of miles long? I think the town’s population was only 2,000 living, but at least 200x that in buried bodies and roaming spirits. Maybe the spookiness can be attributed to our visit being at the beginning of November and the headless horseman’s head was on everyone’s doorstep. Thing learned, as scary as the story is, the town is scarier.

8. Hockey games provide more entertainment than just goals and fights. You know the techno Cotton Eyed Joe song? At the Tri-City American’s hockey games, it makes little boys between the ages of 3 and 13 go crazy. The minute that song comes on (while the Zambonies are circling) every little boy IMMEDIATELY rips his shirt off, swings it around his head, and begins dancing a crazy, techno hoedown. The first time I experienced this phenomenon, I just stared with wide-open eyes and mouth. Now, it may or may not be the real reason I go to hockey games. Thing learned, there’s a reason hockey teams don’t have cheerleaders or dance squads… it’s already covered.


Neighbor Jane Payne said...

Cali,I love reading the things you've learned this year because I learn new things, too. Thanks for taking the time to post them. Who'd have guessed that the Hope diamond will be nothing but a pile of lead someday? It should depreciate rather than appreciate in value.

And in the wisdom of Red/Green, you're handy AND handsome.

Susan said...

Dear Cali,

I'm so enjoying your blog. I laugh right out loud at your writings, which I think is the sincerest form of a compliment. I hope you think so too!

Love, Susan

P.S. I love the Red/Green show! I even TIVO it!

Donna Chapin said...

Oh Cali-

How I enjoy your blog! And am learning that we have more in common - Rayme and I love the Red Green show. Rayme has used that line a time or two. :)

HeatherM said...

Oh Cali, I have so waited for the second volume - it did not disappoint. We are hockey fans, and Americans fans as well - I have tried and tried to get Chance and Colton to "dance" the Cotton Eyed Joe, to no avail, they are both too shy. They'll burp their ABC's at Red Lobster when we go out for dinner after the game, but too shy to dance shirtless - go figure!!

Darla said...

Oh Cali...
Love reading your blog.. but I think your mom has you all figured out.. yes she may have put the hinges on backwards but it makes me wander... was it intentional???
Hmmm.. Maybe if I do it wrong they will think they are demoting me but really I'll be sent into what I like doing best - Cooking *lol*...
Have a great week!!

toddash said...

cali, you are truly an amazing human. i think that is why i still think about you on a more than normal basis, even though we haven't seen each other going on 5 years. what the crap? can you believe we went to hawaii SIX years ago this fall? i wish you were based in davis county with large and sar. miss you bud

Anonymous said...

Well, Cali, there are two songs that make me dance (albeit with my SHIRT ON) and that's "Well, your momma don't dance and your daddy don't rock and roll" and "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins. By the way, did that fact card say anything about how long it takes a diamond to dis...disin...disenti...turn to graphite? Because if we're talking eons here, then who cares? On the other hand, if it's anytime soon then I want to pawn mine NOW.